One breath At a Time
“I woke up between a memory and a dream…” ~ the late and inspiring, Tom Petty.
We always begin our practice by observing what is. “Bring your attention to your physical body,” my teacher will say as we lie on our mats, adjusting the body for that just right spot. Making sure we have placed our feet, legs, arms, hands, and head in a manner that encourages comfort so not to be distracted by the discomfort of the body. Within a few moments I hear, “now bring your attention to your mind; avoid getting caught up in your thoughts, and just observe without judgment. Be the aware one, take a step back and observe. Is your mind active and busy, more rajasic, or is your mind clear, at ease, luminous, perhaps more sattvic, or is it dull, fatigue, maybe more of a tamasic quality. Take note, don’t label, just notice. Does your mind portray one characteristic over another or perhaps your mind is in between two, a little busy, a little clear.”
The “in between” space is a more common space for me, something that rings true. “Bring your attention to your breath. Again, just notice. Avoid controlling the breath and just observe it in its natural state. There are answers in your breath, she whispers. Get curious. Stay open.”
Then she starts to lead us deeper into practice. Guiding us to lengthen and deepen the breath, with smoothness as a high priority. She reminds us to come back to the breath first and foremost; always. "When you notice you get distracted, come back to your breath, as many times as you have to remind yourself, go back to the breath…over and over and over again." The breath is the priority, not the pose. She is training attention, awareness. Discouraging old habits and encouraging new, more helpful. It may sound simple, but staying present and focusing on one thing, the breath, is quite the challenge. Some days it is a welcome practice, and some days it is a foggy hot mess. I’ve been hearing these words for many years now and on average about 4 times a week. I come to class, unroll my mat, set my body up just right and then I get quiet. And I watch. I observe what goes on in that mind of mine. And I hold space. Hold space for what arises and for ease to wash over me, much like the sea water as it washes up on the shore. When I am in this space I am calm, I am clear, and I am present.
How can I be this way in all aspects of my life? Is it possible? The ancient tradition of yoga tells us yes. The goal of yoga is to connect to our birthright, which consists of eternal happiness and unshakable peace. But that seems impossible, right? With practice, dedicated and consistent practice we slowly remove and peel back the layers. The layers of judgment, conditions, habits, and the stories we tell ourselves and others. Beneath those layers lies a treasure chest within waiting to be re-discovered. All we have to do is interrupt the momentum of the mind, get still, quiet and listen. Listen to the silence.
Probably one of the most challenging tasks, but one I make a priority and work on consistently every day in some way, shape or form. Whether it be in the presence of others, guided by a master or at home “just being” for 10-15 minutes, as I sit on my turquoise and white Chattra meditation cushion. And, most of the time with my iPhone (on do not disturb) next to me, timing my silence. This is just one of many homework assignments I work on weekly—to just be. And for only 10 minutes! But oh my god is it hard at times. Sometimes I focus on breath control, sometimes I just sit and be present. I notice my surroundings, what arises, maybe a thought or emotion and just be with it. To stay present and not get lost in thought, and when I notice I am caught up in thinking, I bring myself back, as I am reminded that it is how often you bring yourself back that counts. And how quickly and often you actually can catch on that you have drifted away to some far off land. I wish I could say I do this practice daily but believe it or not I find it a challenge to just be for 10 minutes; no TV, no phone, no food, no tea, coffee or hot water with lemon. No form of distraction. Nothing, but me.
For in those moments, my teacher proclaims, are the answers. Subtle at times or perhaps more intense, but without the quiet, curious self you miss the subtle. Hidden in the subtle are one's truth, purpose, power, creative force, and art. Just waiting to be heard, seen, and witnessed.
The space in between, in between distraction and ease, clarity and mess, dark and light is where I now consistently live; and that came with a lot of work. But I sense a shift, yet again. I am noticing a new norm, for my preferred go-to is becoming more of a habit of ease. It’s a goal of mine, this unshakable peace and has been for a couple of years since the first day my teacher posed this question to us. Only now it feels more attainable and not as elusive. Though, at times distant I have come to realize it is an option. One of my daily goals is to create sattva in my system, and which is said to be the foundation of a successful yoga practice. Sattva, one of the three gunas of the Yogic Philosophy composed of a balanced state of mind and consisting of qualities of calm, clear, and luminous, leading to true enlightenment. It is considered the first step because when one approaches a challenge, change, chaos with a grounded sense of ease, one can see with clarity. On the contrary, when one approaches a situation or interface with a sense of panic or disarray one cannot see clearly, cannot know the truth without a layer of fear or judgment.
So, I will continue to unroll my mat every day and hear those words—observe, watch, notice, hold space, curious, open and expansive, while remembering to go at my own pace, to hold myself (and others) and my process with the utmost compassion and watch how it unfolds. Perhaps if we all observed our minds with a little more discipline, avoiding the chaos and judgment, we tend to get caught up in and translate this to all circumstances, people, and relations we could then allow for more clarity and compassion.