From Forty with Love

I am officially"over the hill!"

I vaguely remember mymom's 40th surprise birthday party; what does stick out is the poster boardhung in our garage for years with the words "over the hill." 

Urban Dictionarydefinition: Meaning that you are 40yrs old; therefore, you havereached the climax of your lifetime and your beginning to go "over the hill."

"We used to thinkgrowing up only meant growing older. But now we know it means growing into thepeople we were always meant to be." ~ birthday card wisdom

I've discovered moreabout myself in the last ten years than the first 30 years of my life. My lovefor Nature and travel, writing, the study of mind, energy, emotions, YogaPhilosophy and Eastern mystics, learning to care and heal physical and mentalhealth holistically, and my soul's ever-shifting and growing purpose and desireto serve are just among many. I gained the courage to step out of the box that,for years, I hid and stayed tucked safely inside. I opened to wonder and magic,love, and possibilities, and followed my curiosity. Relationships shifted andended and opened the door for new and supportive connections andopportunities. 

"We don't receivewisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can takefor us or spare us." Marcel Proust, In Search of Lost Time. 

There is a socialexpectation of celebrating milestone birthdays in a "special" and"big" way. Having a birthday on Christmas Eve, I learned expectationscould lead to disappointed and endure suffering. You could imagine my surprisewhen I found out Christmas trees were not put up in honor of my birthday. Thisyear, I spent the day like past – meals celebrated with family and friends,hike in Nature, quiet, reflective time on past year and desires for upcoming,with a new tradition of chanting to good health and well-being, inner peace, tobe led from darkness to light and untruth to truth. 

No big party, no bigcelebration. The thought did initially create agony as I was not living up toother expectations and started to believe they were mine. Each of us hasdifferent ideas and wishes to celebrate and must honor such individually. As wechange, so do our beliefs of celebration. Years ago, I would have relished in alarge party, with alcohol, family, and friends. But that form of celebration nolonger nourishes or aligns with my current being, which will forever beshifting and flowing. I now prefer more intimate, cozy connections. In honor ofmy birthday, I took myself to Taos, New Mexico – one of my favorite places – tobe and study with a dear teacher and friend, re-connect with the spirit of theland, nurture old and create new friendships, and spend quiet time alone voidof distractions, attachments, and comforts of home. A brave gift in search of stillness,wisdom, and clarity as I embraced the darkness of the season and flew northtowards my heart, expanding and opening with the sky. 

At the ripe young ageof 40, I am mentally and physically at my healthiest, most stable, and secure.And this came with years of daily practice, devotion, and consistent effort! IfI continue at this pace, it will only get better from here.

Life is not to becelebrated just one day of the year, but every day. This year and decade, I vowto step into my light as a leader, continue my devotion and commitment to myspiritual path and make choices that support and praise such. Find peace andgratitude with what is vs. attachment to what isn't. Stay in search of clarityvs. judge and criticize Self and others, and lead with awareness and love andless on unconscious habits, reactions, and defenses. Remain compassionate,humble, and sincere as I uncover the mystery of my soul, unlock buried wisdom,and continue to free myself of who I have been, and revere who I am becoming.